


what makes you unique

by shumikaa



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, its soft, might be ooc this is my first official shumika fic, shumika, trans mika headcanon comes into play here? i love it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 18:19:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18474472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shumikaa/pseuds/shumikaa
Summary: Shu cuts Mika's hair and attempts to perform maintenance as usual - but Mika's mental health starts to get the better of him during the process.





	what makes you unique

**Author's Note:**

> i havent posted a fanfic to a public website in probably 8 years? please be gentle im trying to get back into writing  
> any love is greatly appreciated ♡♡

  Bright sunlight shone in through the window of an otherwise dimly lit room, breathing life into an array of dolls and various craft materials lining the walls. Amidst the room, Mika Kagehira sat almost lazily, slouched in a chair, staring at the desk in front of him. His pair of mismatched eyes scanned the desk, looking over different bits of thread and discarded needles. _Wonder why Oshi-san left all this out..._ He thought.

  Though, despite what looked like a mess, it was extremely organized in a somewhat chaotic fashion. Sitting in the corner of the desk was a small porcelain doll, with bouncy blonde curls, wearing a sky blue dress. Her emerald eyes seemed to sparkle up at the male, and he couldn’t help but smile back. Leaning over the desk and idly picking up a needle, he rested an elbow on the wooden surface and lay his head in his free hand.

  “S’not like Oshi-san t’ go anywhere without ya, Mado-nee,” He mused gently, watching the doll’s unmoving features, as if she would come to life any moment to reply. He broke his gaze from the doll and looked at the needle in his other hand, taking in its look of worn-out silver, quickly making a mental note to pick up an extra job or two and buy his mentor some new needles.

  “Kagehira,” A voice broke through Mika’s thoughts, and he put the needle down, looking up at the owner of the voice. “What have I warned you about hunching over like that? You must maintain a proper posture,” He sighed. The voice belonged to none other than Shu Itsuki, Mika’s unit mate, mentor, and leader. Mika merely flashed a grin in response, then sat up straight in order to try and fix himself.

  “Sorry, Oshi-san~” Mika cooed, looking at Shu happily. “Me n’ Mado-nee were just talkin’ ‘bout ya. Where’d ya run off to?” He tilted his head slightly, crossing his arms and sitting back in the chair, but kept his shoulders and back straight.

  “I had to go discuss a few things with Rei…” Shu trailed off, taking a good look at Mika then heading to a set of drawers. “He was inquiring about an Oddballs live again. I informed him on asking Wataru. I would rather not perform onstage with them again, however if I _must_...” Opening the top drawer, Shu retrieved a pair of scissors, looking them over and giving himself an affirming nod.

  “A live!?” Mika’s eyes lit up and he beamed at his mentor. “We could do a Valkyrie n’ Oddballs joint live! Wouldn’ that be somethin’ else? I’m sure Anzu-chan would--”

  “Valkyrie would not be caught dead performing with our group of misfits,” Shu spoke bluntly, cutting Mika off. “Honestly, you are being quite loud, especially for a doll. _Relax,_ ” The word came as a command, not a request. Mika huffed ever-so slightly and pursed his lips, watching Shu investigate the scissors in his hands. The younger male watched as a pair of soft lavender eyes looked over every fine detail in the blades, then glanced once again towards Mika. Shu looked Mika over using only his eyes, then made his way towards him.

  “Whassat? Are ya gonna cut m’ hair again?” Mika beamed, his mismatched eyes locked on Shu as he made his way over beside him. Shu merely nodded in response, setting the scissors down on the desk and standing behind Mika, running his fingers through his hair, gently coaxing out any knots or tangles. Mika did everything he could to not melt under his mentor’s touch, closing his eyes, visibly relaxing. As Shu’s hands moved down to unknot the lower strands of hair, Mika was reminded of his situation by a sudden sinking in his stomach.

  “Nnah… Oshi-san..?” Mika opened his eyes and turned his head slightly, his lips forming a frown. “D’ya think we can cut my hair as short as yers this time..?” His eyes sparkled with a hint of sadness and anxiety. Shu recognized these emotions and gave a slight sigh in response, his eyes darting to the doll on the desk before returning to Mika’s. Shu shook his head.

  “Non, Kagehira,” He began. “Your hair, while untameable, is just fine the way it is. In fact, it’s the best it’s going to get with myself trimming it up,” Shu reached over Mika and took the scissors into his hand again. “Now, sit up straight while I get these dead ends.” He instructed. Mika did as such, not even having realized his shoulders were slumped again. He sat in his chair properly as Shu bent down and began working, however the feeling in his stomach wasn’t quick to go away. In fact, it only got _worse_ , resembling that of an annoying gnawing sensation in his belly. Mika placed his hands on either side of the chair, gripping it tightly, his knuckles quickly turning white. His tensed actions and form did not go unnoticed by Shu, and the older male sighed, standing up straight again and looking down at Mika with a hidden concern.

  Mika didn’t move as Shu stopped, aside from lowering his head. He stared down at the wooden floor, trying to memorize the pattern, his ears ringing in embarrassment. He _knew_ he was an imperfect doll - he _knew_ being this way made him defective in Shu’s eyes. He also knew that he couldn’t help how he felt. He wasn’t alone - Arashi had the same feelings, but opposite. She had smiled the year prior and explained it all to him and how _normal_ it was, and how boys like him existed all over the world. Mika had always presented more as male, and he was terrified of Shu throwing him out last year when the older found out about Mika’s secret. Somehow, he knew Shu wouldn’t; but the anxiety that broke through his stomach and wormed its up into his now pounding heart was undeniably because of these feelings.

  Behind him, Shu cleared his throat, silently trying to find the words to console his doll. He inhaled, then closed his mouth, sighing through his nose. “Kagehira, your posture,” He spoke gently, almost uncharacteristically, his eyes once again flicking to the doll on the desk. Mika sat up straight, looking forward, slowly moving his hands back into his lap. Shu watched these actions carefully, silently wishing Mika’s strings weren’t so tight. As Shu ran his fingers through the soft hair on Mika’s head again, he frantically searched for words in his head. However, the words he found weren’t to come from him.

  “Mika-chan,” a feminine voice came from Shu, but Mika looked up at the doll on the desk. Mademoiselle sat, same as she had been, unmoving, her glass skin shining as the sun hit it. “Why do you think your hair should be shorter?”

  Mika blinked, looking back down, making an effort to not sag his shoulders once again. He thought the question over carefully as his mentor behind him ran his long fingers through the strands closer to Mika’s neck. Blinking at the doll, he twirled his thumbs around each other in his lap, speaking almost unsurely. “Well, ‘m always afraid other units n’ stuff are gonna be seein’ me as a girl, yanno..?” He swallowed hard, fighting the lump forming in his throat. “I don’ wanna be a girl, not even taken fer one, an’ I think shorter hair might stop everyone from even thinkin’ that ‘m actually a girl...” He stammered, his body shuddering with the force of him holding back his tears. _What kinda guy cries over this?_ He thought bitterly, bringing a hand up to wipe at his eyes as he felt tears prick their corners. Mika inhaled, lowering his hands again, a tear slipping down his cheek. “I can’ be Oshi-san’s most perfect doll if ‘m like this, Mado-nee!”

  Shu set the scissors back down onto the desk and took a single step back, feeling overwhelmed by Mika’s current emotions. He opened his mouth to let Mademoiselle speak again, but no words came out. He snapped his mouth shut, scowling and furrowing his brow, understanding. Mademoiselle was going to make _him_ say what he needed to say. He couldn’t hide behind her for this. Mika needed to hear these words from him specifically. Shu exhaled softly, setting a reassuring hand on Mika’s neck and letting his fingers run up the boy’s cheek, wiping the tear as he went. Mika shivered, wiping his eyes with his sleeves once again, leaning into Shu’s touch for comfort.

  “Kagehira,” Shu’s voice came out quietly, hesitant. “While it’s true that what you go through may be an imperfection _of sorts_ , if it can even be called as such… I realized long ago that I will never be able to fit you into my image entirely,” His lips pursed and he ran his hand back down to Mika’s shoulder, then down to his arm, reassuringly. “Your strings are too tense. Too short for me to control on my own. I’ve stated before your emotions make you more human than other dolls I’ve owned and this is  truly no exception,”

  Mika hesitated, bringing his hand up to Shu’s and resting it there, feeling a spark rush through his fingertips as he made contact with the back of Shu’s hand. He let his fingers run along Shu’s knuckles, wholeheartedly expecting his mentor to move away at any second. Shu did not move his hand, instead leaving it there for Mika to trace his fingers on - despite his first instincts telling him to _pull away._ Shu watched Mika caress the tendons that poked through his skin, feeling all the different natural textures. Mika seemed entranced by the feeling of Shu’s skin, flustering Shu slightly, causing him to finally pull his hand away swiftly. This motion elicited a momentary whine from Mika, and he looked up at Shu, his blue and amber eyes glinting with sadness.

  Shu stifled a sigh and fought with himself for the right words again, looking down into his doll’s pitiful eyes. Once again running his fingers through Mika’s hair, Shu took a slight pause before speaking. He blinked slowly, his lavender eyes fixed on Mika’s, then began. “While this struggle of yours can be seen as an impurity to those more cruel humans, it is apart of what makes you _you,_ ” He hesitated for a moment, seeming to almost struggle to continue. “This war you fight… When it comes to being yourself - and being more _human_ than I originally anticipated… This is apart of what makes you unique. Not all dolls are the same… The more time I spend with you, the more you open my eyes to this fact, Kagehira,” Shu exhaled after speaking the other male’s name again, not even having realized that Mika had begun to cry once again.

  “Oshi-san…” Mika hiccuped, wiping his tears again, looking back down at the table. “‘m sorry I do this… I don’ mean t’ be such a crybaby, it jus’ starts comin’ out, I promise I’ll do better,” He sobbed as he spoke, moving to hide his face. Shu’s eyes flicked to Mademoiselle again, giving the doll a pleading look, before looking back down at Mika and pulling the chair out gently. He moved to kneel in front of the younger boy, softly moving his arms away from his face and pulling up Mika’s now wet sleeves. Tracing his hand along Mika’s forearm, Shu seemed to inspect it carefully. He took note of every strand of hair and every impurity on his doll’s otherwise perfect skin. His eyes never moved from Mika’s arm, though Shu could feel his intense gaze on him as he worked.

  Shu carefully moved his gaze and his hands down to Mika’s fingers, taking each of them and gingerly bending and inspecting them one by one, making sure the joints all moved as they were built to. Mika hiccuped again, taking Shu by surprise, and he looked up at Mika. The boy tilted his head, sniffling, giving Shu a sweet smile.

  “Whattaya doin’, Oshi-san..?”

  “Maintenance.”

  Shu continued to work without another word, making note that his gentle touch and movements were making exceedingly quick work of calming Mika down. He lay the arm down in Mika’s lap, then moved to the next one, working the same exact process as the last. Sleeve up, forearm inspected, fingers moved as they were intended. Just as a doll should. Pristine, untouched. Shu couldn’t understand why who Mika was lay on his mind so heavily… But internally, he knew he couldn’t watch Mika suffer the way he did. He may not have wanted to admit it, and maybe things were better that way, but he--

  “I love ya, Oshi-san,”

  Shu blinked. He held Mika’s right index finger between his own fingers and looked up. “Come again?”

  Mika blinked in return. Then he suddenly laughed, a sound that rang through the room and resounded in Shu’s mind like a blissful song. Mika sniffled, then used his free hand to wipe his remaining tears. “S’nothin, Oshi-san, ‘m just talkin’ again, yanno? Don’ worry ‘bout it,” He grinned. “I really like the way yer touchin’ me right now… It makes me feel like ya really don’ think ‘m all that bad,”

  “Bad?” Shu repeated, dumbfounded. “Kagehira, you are not _bad._ You are _flawed._ You know I don’t like to repeat myself,” He shook his head, sighing and standing. “There is nothing wrong with who you are. I cannot say I understand the pain it puts you in… But I assure you I do not see it as a hindrance as my doll in any way.”

  Mika took a moment to take this info in… Then he nodded. “‘m thinkin’ I understand. Thank ya, Oshi-san. ‘m sorry fer cryin’ like I did,” He smiled sweetly up at Shu. “Are ya gonna finish cuttin’ my hair?”

  Shu nodded, moving to stand behind Mika once again and reaching for the scissors. Hunting for where he left off, he began to trim down Mika’s hair again, paying attention to what seemed like each strand individually. As he cut, he mused a thought internally to himself, involuntarily tilting his head.

  “Kagehira?”

  “Hm?”

  “I’ll begin cutting it shorter over time. We’ll start with 5 millimeters this time. Does that seem fair to you?”

  Mika grinned from ear to ear, kicking his legs excitedly. He did his best not to nod, afraid he would interrupt Shu’s cutting. “Of _course_ , Oshi-san, thank ya so much!”

  Shu just smiled softly in response, taking a bit of solace in the fact that Mika couldn’t see him. Taking a glance out the window at the now orange sky, he made a mental note to take better care of Mika and his health in the future. After all, he couldn’t let his most perfect doll think he was anywhere near imperfect, could he?

  Though, Shu would probably never say that aloud.

**Author's Note:**

> follow my twitter for more shumika content ♡  
> @shumikaa


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